For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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