Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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