Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
