Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
