Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
