For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
