I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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