Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
