my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
