also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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