you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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