no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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