he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
