is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
