May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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