at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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