Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
