This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is wine microwaveable?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
