forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
