My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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