Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
