i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
