I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
