I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
