The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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