Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
