so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
