ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
