shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize