Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
