You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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