ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
