he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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