I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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