what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
