well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
