i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
