that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
