exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
