apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
