I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
