Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dick very happy bro
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
