I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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