So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
