I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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