I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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