Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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