Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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