Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
