Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
