I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
