remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
