No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
