Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
