I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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