Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
