I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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