I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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