I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sobbing to NWA
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
