Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
