he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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