apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
