Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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