Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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