Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
