Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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