After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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