eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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