I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize