How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
