How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
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I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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