I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
