Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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