Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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