so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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