Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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