I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
