Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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