I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
