New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
