It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
