remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
