okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
