areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
