we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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