he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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