I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
