There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize