Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize