Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
