my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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