I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
