ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
